What is SOCIALITIS?
It can be acute or chronic, but in either form it is the maximum use of physical energy by an individual as a result of their need to satisfy excessive amounts of social engagements either by desire or perceived necessity.
What causes it?
If I have to answer this then you sir, are not smart. Yes, I meant to say sir. I will however expand upon causes in addition to the obvious. The social events themselves are not what cause socialitis, but rather the root or core of the problem of how the event came to be.
~ Other people being born, for example, is a major cause for socialitis. If people weren't born I wouldn't feel inclined to celebrate their birthdays. Simple.
~ Holidays that are completely made up. I mean, I get the main holidays, but there are things that we, in America, really have no reason to celebrate.
~ Text messages. Let's be honest, calling everyone to invite to a last minute social outing (or inning) can be daunting. Now, with text messaging you can invite 72 people to the socialocity of your choice in a matter of seconds.
~ Facebook, Myspace, and Evite: For obvious reasons
What are the symptoms?
Lack of sleep, free time, and sometimes sanity. An affinity for the snooze button. Frequent ATM withdrawals, gas fill ups, and forgetfulness. Also, the inability to sleep in or go to sleep early. The development of dependencies on Red Bull, coffee, and other such energy boosters.
Who is at risk for Socialitis? (a very serious affliction)
Any person who is a self proclaimed "people person," has lots of friends (they were all born ya know), is part of a large family, cannot and will not miss an important or not important event, loves the holidays that we celebrate for no actual reason and the ones with purpose just as much, will always find something to do during their down time even if it was scheduled as a means of breaking free of the socialitis.
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As you can see this is a very serious problem, an epidemic. You or someone you know might be suffering from Socialitis.
I LOVE holidays that exist for no reason, I don't know what down time is, Red Bull may be the best invention ever, I can no longer sleep in, and I have chronic SOCIALITIS.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
If you hate your job. . . raise your hand!
More and more each day I'm finding that a large number of people are truly miserable in their jobs. Granted I do have a few friends who love their jobs, I'm genuinely happy for them. These individuals have broken free from what has become the norm and found something that provides both financial stability and enjoyment. Awesome. Super. I'm not jealous at all.
I'm finding that people hate their jobs for several reasons. I, for example, dislike going to company wide meetings that immediately make me want to drop kick a bunny. Just an excessively violent urge I get randomly when I'm at work listening to people talk about how awesome they are. Don't worry, these violent urges are never carried through and no bunnies have ever been in harms way. Another reason people dislike their jobs is because everyone else in their vicinity dislikes it. I mean how could you possibly enjoy anything amongst the drone of everyone else's complaints.
You may know of or be one of these types of employees:
The Never-a-Bright-Side Employee: These people will hate their jobs for the same reason they hate everything else which is: no reason. They also choose to pick apart anything that anyone says or is slightly wrong at work and point it out to everyone.
The Going-Through-The-Motions Employee: These employees hate their jobs because they are monotonous and because they are so under stimulated that they have actually lost motivation to do anything above and beyond their duties, including looking for a more fulfilling job.
The Overqualified Employee: These employees hate their jobs for obvious reasons. They were either coaxed into a position that they thought would be better than it is or they are lazy. These people, even if they are lazy, will eventually seek employment elsewhere.
The Self-righteous-Slacker Employee: This employee will voice the same complaints as the Going-Through-the-Motions employee and the Overqualified employee all while avoiding work like it is the most infectious of plagues. This person often is one of the reasons other people hate their jobs.
The Incessant-Jaw-Flapping Employee: These employees love to talk and hate to hear. They spend the majority of their time talking about and judging other people in the department or company, speaking about themselves in excessive details to those who have no interest and occasionally morph into a realm where their talking is productive and helpful. These people need to assume various roles in order to not integrate too deeply into any one co-workers space.
The Work-Drives-You-To-Drink Employee: This employee is the person who raised their hand immediately after reading this title. Put your hand down you're making those around you uncomfortable. Granted this employee could just be the fun-loving person who happens to enjoy happy hour and wants an excuse for the frequent visits, but it also may be the person that walks in with lots of black eyeliner on and glares in every direction.
The All-of-the-Above Employee: This employee has read all of the above employee categories and felt a tiny bit of identification with all of them.
There are obviously many more categorically defined employees, however, I'll leave you with the above. These people will make your life awesome, bring you joy, provide content for gossip, cause you to work more than you should, and drive you freakin nuts. Shenanigans.
Related articles: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34072
http://xkcd.com/137/
I'm finding that people hate their jobs for several reasons. I, for example, dislike going to company wide meetings that immediately make me want to drop kick a bunny. Just an excessively violent urge I get randomly when I'm at work listening to people talk about how awesome they are. Don't worry, these violent urges are never carried through and no bunnies have ever been in harms way. Another reason people dislike their jobs is because everyone else in their vicinity dislikes it. I mean how could you possibly enjoy anything amongst the drone of everyone else's complaints. You may know of or be one of these types of employees:
The Never-a-Bright-Side Employee: These people will hate their jobs for the same reason they hate everything else which is: no reason. They also choose to pick apart anything that anyone says or is slightly wrong at work and point it out to everyone.
The Going-Through-The-Motions Employee: These employees hate their jobs because they are monotonous and because they are so under stimulated that they have actually lost motivation to do anything above and beyond their duties, including looking for a more fulfilling job.
The Overqualified Employee: These employees hate their jobs for obvious reasons. They were either coaxed into a position that they thought would be better than it is or they are lazy. These people, even if they are lazy, will eventually seek employment elsewhere.
The Self-righteous-Slacker Employee: This employee will voice the same complaints as the Going-Through-the-Motions employee and the Overqualified employee all while avoiding work like it is the most infectious of plagues. This person often is one of the reasons other people hate their jobs.
The Incessant-Jaw-Flapping Employee: These employees love to talk and hate to hear. They spend the majority of their time talking about and judging other people in the department or company, speaking about themselves in excessive details to those who have no interest and occasionally morph into a realm where their talking is productive and helpful. These people need to assume various roles in order to not integrate too deeply into any one co-workers space.
The Work-Drives-You-To-Drink Employee: This employee is the person who raised their hand immediately after reading this title. Put your hand down you're making those around you uncomfortable. Granted this employee could just be the fun-loving person who happens to enjoy happy hour and wants an excuse for the frequent visits, but it also may be the person that walks in with lots of black eyeliner on and glares in every direction.
The All-of-the-Above Employee: This employee has read all of the above employee categories and felt a tiny bit of identification with all of them.
There are obviously many more categorically defined employees, however, I'll leave you with the above. These people will make your life awesome, bring you joy, provide content for gossip, cause you to work more than you should, and drive you freakin nuts. Shenanigans.
Related articles: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34072
http://xkcd.com/137/
Thursday, May 8, 2008
It's Ladies Night....
...and the feeling's right. Oh yes it's ladies night, OH WHAT A NIGHT!
So last night I went with 8 of my girls to Cactus Moon for their ladies night shenanigans. First of all, I'd like to dissect this title "Ladies Night". Nothing about these nights are actually for the ladies:
1) My friends and I waited in line for like 20 minutes at only 9:30pm. In my opinion we should be able to just strut right in. It is, after all, our night.
2) As soon as you walk in the door you have the option of pinning a number to your back. This number is used by guys to identify which dancer gives them the most sustainable hard on. Generally, the girls that wear these take their cattle number very seriously and seem to have no problem giving shows for free. My perception is that if you are going to dance like a stripper, a trashy one at that, then go fill out a job application and get paid.
3) The drink specials are awesome. I love a cheap drink as much as the next person, but let's be honest about the intention. The more drunk the girls are, the sluttier the dance moves and the more likely they are to go home with a guy.
It is important, if you have never been to a Wednesday night at Cactus Moon, that you understand some key points about the atmosphere. It consists of a blend of Hip Hop, Country Western, and College clientele all of nearly equal proportions. A completely separate group of people exist and are known as the Creepers. They scatter themselves around the edge of the dance floor occasionally wandering closer. The blaring music switches back and forth between "...the boots with the fur" and "I've got friends in low places". When the hip hop music is playing the dance floor is peppered with quite a spectacle of people. Many of them either seem to be having seizures or are practicing for some sort of escort service. They generally clear off when the country music starts and then it is certainly fun to watch people spinning each other around. I was fortunate enough to join Kay's School of Line Dancing. After all, she is from the woods.
There were two notable people amongst the crowd that I will describe. We'll start with the good news:
~A gentleman asked if he could dance with me for the next Country song. I was a little reluctant, but I agreed. Once the next song came around we danced and it was a lot of fun. At the end of the song he introduced himself and thanked me for the dance and went his separate way. What?! You're not going to awkwardly pursue me all night even though it's obvious I'm not interested? I was pleasantly surprised.
~The next character was a little less classy. I would describe this man as a stumpy 45 year old with terrible intentions. He sat near the edge of the dance floor leering at girls half his age, interjecting obviously awkward comments as often as possible. So my first interaction with him was a simple cheers. I was walking by and having my one drink of the evening so cheers! Why not? Then I'm pretty sure, a while later, he tripped me! I didn't fall, but I'm pretty sure he intentionally stuck his foot out to stop me. UMMMMMMmm hello? Is anyone home? What person with half a brain sabotages someones walking path to get to talk to them. Then, strike three, he says in the most awkward voice "annnnnnnnnnngel" and proceeds to leer at me for the rest of the night. Don't worry I gave him the stare of death back as to not encourage his awkwardness.
All in all, awesome evening with the girls and lots of interesting observations were made.
Please note: I missed the co-founder of PJAA
The girls go. Girls go to DANCE. You get ready with your friends, "Let's go dance tonight! Let's just - screw guys tonight - Let's just stand in a circle around our shoes and our pocketbooks and lets just dance. And if guys come near us we'll tazer them. No guys." -Dane Cook
So last night I went with 8 of my girls to Cactus Moon for their ladies night shenanigans. First of all, I'd like to dissect this title "Ladies Night". Nothing about these nights are actually for the ladies:1) My friends and I waited in line for like 20 minutes at only 9:30pm. In my opinion we should be able to just strut right in. It is, after all, our night.
2) As soon as you walk in the door you have the option of pinning a number to your back. This number is used by guys to identify which dancer gives them the most sustainable hard on. Generally, the girls that wear these take their cattle number very seriously and seem to have no problem giving shows for free. My perception is that if you are going to dance like a stripper, a trashy one at that, then go fill out a job application and get paid.
3) The drink specials are awesome. I love a cheap drink as much as the next person, but let's be honest about the intention. The more drunk the girls are, the sluttier the dance moves and the more likely they are to go home with a guy.
It is important, if you have never been to a Wednesday night at Cactus Moon, that you understand some key points about the atmosphere. It consists of a blend of Hip Hop, Country Western, and College clientele all of nearly equal proportions. A completely separate group of people exist and are known as the Creepers. They scatter themselves around the edge of the dance floor occasionally wandering closer. The blaring music switches back and forth between "...the boots with the fur" and "I've got friends in low places". When the hip hop music is playing the dance floor is peppered with quite a spectacle of people. Many of them either seem to be having seizures or are practicing for some sort of escort service. They generally clear off when the country music starts and then it is certainly fun to watch people spinning each other around. I was fortunate enough to join Kay's School of Line Dancing. After all, she is from the woods. There were two notable people amongst the crowd that I will describe. We'll start with the good news:
~A gentleman asked if he could dance with me for the next Country song. I was a little reluctant, but I agreed. Once the next song came around we danced and it was a lot of fun. At the end of the song he introduced himself and thanked me for the dance and went his separate way. What?! You're not going to awkwardly pursue me all night even though it's obvious I'm not interested? I was pleasantly surprised.
~The next character was a little less classy. I would describe this man as a stumpy 45 year old with terrible intentions. He sat near the edge of the dance floor leering at girls half his age, interjecting obviously awkward comments as often as possible. So my first interaction with him was a simple cheers. I was walking by and having my one drink of the evening so cheers! Why not? Then I'm pretty sure, a while later, he tripped me! I didn't fall, but I'm pretty sure he intentionally stuck his foot out to stop me. UMMMMMMmm hello? Is anyone home? What person with half a brain sabotages someones walking path to get to talk to them. Then, strike three, he says in the most awkward voice "annnnnnnnnnngel" and proceeds to leer at me for the rest of the night. Don't worry I gave him the stare of death back as to not encourage his awkwardness.
All in all, awesome evening with the girls and lots of interesting observations were made.
Please note: I missed the co-founder of PJAA
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Smart Cars are Stupid
As my disclaimer I will say that if everyone drove a Smart Car then they would, in fact, be smart. Don't get me wrong, I love the environment just as much as the next person, but let's be honest this is not the answer. In American society where bigger is considered to be better the thought of having a Smart Car is the most obviously not smart thing.
My logic is rooted in the fact that a person can do much more good by committing a lifetime to helping the environment then by putting themselves into a death trap device. One of my least intelligent moments was when I crashed into a semi, imagine if I were driving a Stupid Car. If you Google car accident statistics you'll find some information that would easily deter you from purchasing this car.
In addition, my less practical reasoning for thinking this car is absurd is the mere fact that it is impractical. People often forget to enjoy life as it is. Driving a Stupid Car you basically forfeit the ability to go on a road trip, have a bike rack, carry a surfboard, have more than two people in your car (forget carpooling), the list could go on. I'm not suggesting you purchase a Hummer monstrosity, but at least a car built for people instead of monkeys.
I will say the turning radius of such a vehicle would probably do some incredible parking lot donuts, you could sleep well at night knowing you're not contributing to the excessive use of gas - even have extra money to purchase celebratory drinks, and you could most certainly pride yourself on looking ridiculous.
Better than I thought...
http://money.cnn.com/2008/05/14/autos/smart_fortwo_iihs_crash_test/?postversion=2008051410
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Obnoxiousness
I wonder if people who are obnoxious actually know they're obnoxious. I mean, can you fault people for being ignorant? Or, can you fault them even more for being both an idiot and obnoxious? I say, most often, the latter.
This blog is dedicated to the guest at my job who said, " If my mom and I were both here, we would need at least 7 people helping us." No sir, at most you would need two people. Obnoxious. Then he proceeded to awkwardly play tic-tac-toe with me while he waited. When the game was over he stated, "Of course I beat you, I'm a man." And then chuckled. Listen Chuckles, that is the opposite of funny or clever. So shut your trap. Obnoxious.
I know there is at least one person who will read this and think that he was funny. Subjective.
Other notable things of high obnoxiousness include: being micromanaged, people who chew with their mouths open or talk on the phone whilst eating, and people who oppress others with their own religious or political views, loud exhaust pipes and the idiots who have them, people on planes.
What do you find to be filled with obnoxiousness?
*I would like to acknowledge Kay as my editorial consultant
This blog is dedicated to the guest at my job who said, " If my mom and I were both here, we would need at least 7 people helping us." No sir, at most you would need two people. Obnoxious. Then he proceeded to awkwardly play tic-tac-toe with me while he waited. When the game was over he stated, "Of course I beat you, I'm a man." And then chuckled. Listen Chuckles, that is the opposite of funny or clever. So shut your trap. Obnoxious.
I know there is at least one person who will read this and think that he was funny. Subjective.
Other notable things of high obnoxiousness include: being micromanaged, people who chew with their mouths open or talk on the phone whilst eating, and people who oppress others with their own religious or political views, loud exhaust pipes and the idiots who have them, people on planes.
What do you find to be filled with obnoxiousness?
*I would like to acknowledge Kay as my editorial consultant
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Subject Matter: Blogging
You may ask "Mer, I thought your blog was going to be filled with joyous shenanigans... what's this about blogging?" Well, I was inspired. You can read the comments on my last blog entry for a reference. I was a little shocked I must admit, the stir that was caused by the creation of my blog. I mean, is it not okay for me to be a blogger? Is there some sort of gang-like handshake I must first learn along with a brutal initiation process? I can think and type and, therefore, I can blog.
I figure, why not address this right off the bat. A blog is defined by dictionary.com as an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page. Pretty obvious. So we'll sum it up as modern day journaling. To be honest, when I first was introduced to blogs and their bloggers I thought that it consisted of a group of people who couldn't possibly be more attention thirsty. People who felt so self righteous by their own existence that they just couldn't shut up and keep it to themselves.
This was followed by thinking... wow Mer chill out. Blogging isn't so bad. Plenty of awesome people blog (yes, if they jumped off a cliff I would too). Certain blogs of inspiration include Steven's never ending ridiculosity and Kelly's guaranteed brilliant wit (not actual titles). Some of you may know who Tucker Max is? Huge ass, but his blogs were what lead to a very popular book.
In addition, who wants to write in a journal these days? You get that cramp in your hand and stop right in the middle of your thought because you're too irritated at the process of writing. We, as people, have come up with yet another way to be lazy and it is through blogging.
In short: if you don't like it, don't read it.
I figure, why not address this right off the bat. A blog is defined by dictionary.com as an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page. Pretty obvious. So we'll sum it up as modern day journaling. To be honest, when I first was introduced to blogs and their bloggers I thought that it consisted of a group of people who couldn't possibly be more attention thirsty. People who felt so self righteous by their own existence that they just couldn't shut up and keep it to themselves.
This was followed by thinking... wow Mer chill out. Blogging isn't so bad. Plenty of awesome people blog (yes, if they jumped off a cliff I would too). Certain blogs of inspiration include Steven's never ending ridiculosity and Kelly's guaranteed brilliant wit (not actual titles). Some of you may know who Tucker Max is? Huge ass, but his blogs were what lead to a very popular book.
In addition, who wants to write in a journal these days? You get that cramp in your hand and stop right in the middle of your thought because you're too irritated at the process of writing. We, as people, have come up with yet another way to be lazy and it is through blogging.
In short: if you don't like it, don't read it.
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