You know you're geriatric when...

I was recently inspired to write this when I began lying about my age. . .to be younger. I mean, it may have been to get a discount on my lift ticket for snowboarding, but lied to be younger nonetheless.

The term geriatric may be a stretch here, but I thought it would be comical to compose a cynical dissection of indicators that you may be geriatric, old, past your prime, or simply not a crazy party animal anymore. I asked friends of mine to contribute to the hilarity...and comtribute they did.

You know you're geriatric when:
~ You sleep in a sweater that reaches your knees. -KT
~ You're sore the next day from bowling. -KT
~ You're still hungover on Wednesday from drinking on Saturday. KT
~ You start counting how much fiber you've consumed per day. -KT
~ Everyone behind you honks and passes you on the highway. -KT
~ You Enjoy grocery shopping on a Saturday night. -KT
~ You refer to young people as "today's youth".
~ You're appalled when asked to leave the house past 9p.m. on a weeknight.
. . . you're equally offended by the invite to be out past 10p.m. on a weekend.
~ You say things like "I miss college" while you look through your facebook photos that you've set to private for fear that your employer might get ahold of them.
. . . Even worse, you don't miss college.
~ You get the Calcium boost at Jamba Juice because the impending doom of osteoperosis seems so close.
~ You can no longer understand rap lyrics
~ You go to the eye doctor far more frequestly than you go to the bar. -KM
~ You curl up to watch your dvr'd American Idol which you had to tape so you could go to your book club. -SB
~ 8:30PM feels like 2AM. -JB & -LM
~ You refer to technology as hard.

Feel free to contribute via comment. I will give a PRIZE to the person who makes me laugh the hardest.

Pop Kulture

Why did I spell it with a K you ask.... no reason. Really, no reason at all. I actually thought that to myself after I typed it. 'Mariah, why are you deliberately misspelling that word?' I had no justification, but I decided to keep the misspelling and then rant about it. In fact, I could go on a whole tirade about strange misspellings, today's youth, MTV and rap music, but I shall remain focused. You're welcome.

The point of this blog was originally going to be a thoughtful critique of the move the Watchmen. I started thinking about writing this blog moments after the film ended, about how I was going to digress on a detailed report for the peeps. Sorry to disappoint, but as time has elapsed I've simply decided to leave you with this: I liked it, blue wiener and all. I mean, do I think it should win awards....eh maybe for cinematography, but overall good flick. I think the nudity was overdone and sometimes mostly not necessary, but feel free to dispute that. It was long, but I came prepared with a hot dog, sour patch kids, etc so I was not concerned.

XO...Stay tuned for a blog about this past weekend

Rewind, Recap, and FOCUS!

So....maybe I'm not the most consistent writer and maybe I have a lot of catching up to do, but to be perfectly honest I don't get enough response from my blogs to stimulate and encourage my everlasting need for attention. That's right, I said it. I need attention. At least I admit it. At least I don't seek it out on some whorish girls gone wild video.

So, in short, if you'd like me to post blogs more frequenly as some nagging has suggested, then comment, provide your opinion (unless it is worthless) and fuel my need for attention.

Ok so lets recap the dos and donts of the past few months:

~DON'T accidentally send your blog link to your clients. Especially the blog written about hating Mondays which directly relates to clients.
~DO elect a president. Good job America. Finally making smart decisions. Impressive. It's been a shotty run the past few elections.
~DO visit Costa Rica. The place is pretty badass, the weather is crazy, the food and drinks are delicious, the people are pretty awesome, and the beaches are fantastic.
~DONT watch weiners during the superbowl.
~DONT pay money to see "He's Just Not That Into You". Why, you ask, because it is not good.
~DO go snowboarding. Vail was awesome, thank you for asking.
~DO go to Wildcat Basketball Games
~DONT clap for Horne at UA basketball games

Enjoy some vacay photos:

Mondays are stupid

Stupid, uneducated, brain damaged... no matter which way you say it I think most good Americans will agree that Monday's are stupid. I start feeling anti-monday on Sunday night. Just knowing that my weekend is over is almost depressing.

The thing is, it's not that I hate my job or that anything especially horrid happens on Mondays. I simply love the weekend. I love it so much that I resent Monday for being the day furthest from the weekend. I have compiled the top reasons that have led me to my hypothesis that Mondays are stupid:
1. As previously stated Monday is the day furthest from the weekend.
2. Monday is the first day of the week where my alarm goes off in the morning. I could go off on a whole separate tangent about alarms, but I will refrain. Let's just say I dislike alarms more than stubbing my toe or getting kicked in the shin. And Mondays are the worst because I am the least used to this abusive morning awakener (if that's not a word- it is now)
3. Mondays are the day of the week furthest from payday. The weekends are excluded because during the weekends you are distracted by fun and slumber and are not focused on pay.
4. Monday rhymes with Funday; a day which it is not. This means Mondays are filled with false hopes of fun due to the distinct rhyming correlation.
5. Mondays are the days where I have the most email at my work. I get a wave of anxiety when I open up my Outlook in anticipation that someone might have spent their weekend filling my inbox with crap that I have to deal with. Again I could digress into a typing rage about emails I get from clients, but I shall remain focused on the task at hand. Besides then I would be coupling all of the awesome clients and horrible ones together. Not nice.
6. Mondays have less than impressive television.
7. ... and generally even less impressive drink specials should you choose to partake

I shall leave you with these reasons. You are welcome to dispute them. Leave a comment.

Back and Better than Ever! What to do....

You missed me and my genius blogs...understandable. Do not fret, I am back. The shenanigans for today involves the perpetual to-do list. I pondered the topic of this blog for a while... I mean I could just recap 3 or 4 months of ridiculosity, excessive trips to San Diego, Jim Gaffigan's hilarity in Phoenix, Matt Nathanson being a genius (another blog I've vowed to write), starting my adventure at Go! Web Solutions, countless endeavors....or... I can do what was suggested by my brilliant friend Kelly and use this blog as an outlet for my to-do list sprinkled with sarcastic commentary.

So like many other people I am a lister. My life doesn't seem to make sense without a list categorically separated with little self made check boxes. Yeah, I know, another neurotic tendency of mine that has been unveiled through this blog. Chalk it up.

So recently I have befriended the phrase "It's on the to-do list". So here it is:

1) put air in my tires
Time it will take: 1 min $: 75 cents
Reason I have been thinking about doing it for at least a week and not done it: I don't even know. Why would I want to? You have to stop the car at a gas station conveniently located on every corner, touch that icky air valve, and waste an entire moment of your life. A moment I would not get back.

2) put my already clean clothes that are hung on hangers into my closet
Time it will take: 4 minutes $: none
Ummmmmm yeah I got nothin

Ok those were the most obscure and seriously lazy ones... plus I got lazy about writing a bunch of stuff... the rest is just everyday to-dos or so I assume:

Learn Dreamweaver
Spend time with all of my friends
Travel the World
Adopt a rainforest
Make really good friends with a billionaire
Pay off my debt and bills in general
Become an expert Snowboarder
Be on the show Amazing Race... and win
Learn Photoshop
Become a graphic designer
Eat sushi
Eat a lot of sushi
Go skydiving... again
Learn to speak Spanish fluently
Go to Grad school
Make a to-do list...WHAT...its true, its on there

So, in general, I've got like 50 million things I want to do in life. Some things now some later, others wayyyyyy later, but nonetheless these things are all floating around in my brain. Normal right? Kinda normal at least?

Man this blog isn't very funny. I'll admit it, more of a confession of an epic madness.

(later during the same day)

The absurdity of my to-do list prompted me to get some things done. So you can feel at ease knowing my clothes are put away and my tire pressure is as it should be.

What are the wacky items on your to do list?