Planning a wedding inherently comes with a lot of shenanigans. Dealing with companies, vendors, people etc etc. I will choose just a few rant worthy situations I have run into thus far.
#1 EVERYONE thinks they are invited. EVERYONE. Did I mention EVERYONE? Listen, I don't mean to brag, but I have 820 facebook friends. I like you all ... mostly... but you are not all invited to my wedding. I've developed some general criteria and to be deemed invitation worthy you must meet one or more of the following criteria:
- You are blood related or married to someone that is
- You are in the wedding party
- One of us has known you since before we were 5 years old AND have kept in touch at least randomly
- One of us sees you or AT LEAST talks to you more than 5 times a year AND outside of large social gatherings
If you don't meet at least one of these, you are not invited. It's not that we don't like you, it's just unrealistic to invite every person we've ever shaken hands with. If you do meet one of these criteria and are not invited. I apologize. I forgot?
#2 David's bridal has better customer service than Alfred Angelo, but Alfred Angelo has better bridesmaid dresses. FACT!
I'm fairly certain that the people in the Tucson, AZ Alfred Angelo are monkeys or sewer rats. I called the other day to confirm a coupon I received in the mail was saying what I thought it was. The response I got was, "You would actually know about that before I would."
.............
..........
......
I'm sorry, what? I would know about the promotions within the company you work for before you, the employee, would know about them. WOW! In that case I also got a coupon for FREE everything. We'll be in later today to pick up whatever we want.
#3 If you say "wedding" the price goes up.
When you're planning a wedding tell everyone you're having a funeral or a birthday party for your grandma. They will probably give you a discount. Call me cheap, but I don't even spend $45/pp ++++++ on dinner for myself, why would I do that for 200 people? I want everyone to eat, drink, and be merry, but not for $8000 in food alone. I mean who do these hooligans think they are?
Please comment and leave some of the rediculosity that you ran into planning your event or wedding.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Serious Sally.
Hiking for a Cause
I'm training to participate in a Grand Canyon hike as a member of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's (LLS) Team In Training. All of us on Team In Training are raising funds to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma from taking more lives. I am completing this event in honor of all individuals who are battling blood cancers. These people are the real heroes on our team, and we need your support to cross the ultimate finish line - a cure!
Please (pretty please with sugar on top!) make a donation to support my participation in Team In Training and help advance LLS's mission. Every little bit helps!
http://pages.teamintraining.org/dm/Canyon110/mburns5kzj
I hope you will visit my web site often.
Be sure to check back frequently to see my progress. Thanks for your support!
Mariah Burns
Author | Shenamer
Scholar, Humanitarian, huge computer nerd, competitive drinker.
I'm training to participate in a Grand Canyon hike as a member of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's (LLS) Team In Training. All of us on Team In Training are raising funds to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and myeloma from taking more lives. I am completing this event in honor of all individuals who are battling blood cancers. These people are the real heroes on our team, and we need your support to cross the ultimate finish line - a cure!
Please (pretty please with sugar on top!) make a donation to support my participation in Team In Training and help advance LLS's mission. Every little bit helps!
http://pages.teamintraining.org/dm/Canyon110/mburns5kzj
I hope you will visit my web site often.
Be sure to check back frequently to see my progress. Thanks for your support!
Mariah Burns
Author | Shenamer
Scholar, Humanitarian, huge computer nerd, competitive drinker.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The day my computer got Herpes.
A sad day. We tried giving it this:
But it didn't work.
Call me naive, but until I actual saw the aftermath of a computer virus I didn't really fully grasp the impact. Unfortunately, I can now put it into perspective for others.
One click.
Completely trashed computer.
2 hours of trouble shooting.
6 hours in reinstalling.
1 full day of work for two people.
100+ personal email folders gone.
A watery eye or two.
Huge Embarrassment.
Giant leap backwards in productivity.
Hours of adjusting settings and trying to acquire emails.
So while my normal Shenamer blog consists of sarcasm, undeniable wit, and beautifully architected sentences (too far?) this one has a moral: think before you click. Back up your stuff, even if it's a pain. Because you won't feel like you need to until you wish you had.
But it didn't work.
Call me naive, but until I actual saw the aftermath of a computer virus I didn't really fully grasp the impact. Unfortunately, I can now put it into perspective for others.
One click.
Completely trashed computer.
2 hours of trouble shooting.
6 hours in reinstalling.
1 full day of work for two people.
100+ personal email folders gone.
A watery eye or two.
Huge Embarrassment.
Giant leap backwards in productivity.
Hours of adjusting settings and trying to acquire emails.
So while my normal Shenamer blog consists of sarcasm, undeniable wit, and beautifully architected sentences (too far?) this one has a moral: think before you click. Back up your stuff, even if it's a pain. Because you won't feel like you need to until you wish you had.
Friday, August 28, 2009
You. Are. Fired.
I have read a lot of business philosophy about firing clients...see references below:
Top 10 Ways to Fire a Client from Hell
How to Fire a Client
And those are just a few from thousands of articles documenting that if it gets to the point when working with someone is no longer creating a mutually beneficial situation it should be terminated.
I just want to say, I agree. I would, however, like to do it with the following notice of termination:
Dear Huge Pain in My Ass,
While I initially thought we could create a fantastic business relationship, I have realized this is not the case based on the following occurrences:
- You email me several times a day often contradicting your previous emails.
- You call me to chat about your non sensory emails and to further clarify your very simple emails.
- When you call you end up telling me personal stories about which you assume I care. I do care, but only theoretically.
- You often schedule meetings so we can chat about progress...progress that you've been suppressing.
- You avoid contact with me like I'm infected with the plaque when I need something from you, then call frantic about the timeline being kept when you finally have what I need.
- You are unappreciative and often rude and don't realize all the time and energy it takes to keep up with your 3 personalities.
For those reasons, you are fired.
Don't call. Don't email.
Adieu
The only problem with this genius letter is that people have feelings. Silly speed bump. Plus, in my business writing class we were taught to subtly add in the negative message sandwiched between nice or neutral messages. Seems dodgy, but
I may consider revising.
Top 10 Ways to Fire a Client from Hell
How to Fire a Client
And those are just a few from thousands of articles documenting that if it gets to the point when working with someone is no longer creating a mutually beneficial situation it should be terminated.
I just want to say, I agree. I would, however, like to do it with the following notice of termination:
Dear Huge Pain in My Ass,
While I initially thought we could create a fantastic business relationship, I have realized this is not the case based on the following occurrences:
- You email me several times a day often contradicting your previous emails.
- You call me to chat about your non sensory emails and to further clarify your very simple emails.
- When you call you end up telling me personal stories about which you assume I care. I do care, but only theoretically.
- You often schedule meetings so we can chat about progress...progress that you've been suppressing.
- You avoid contact with me like I'm infected with the plaque when I need something from you, then call frantic about the timeline being kept when you finally have what I need.
- You are unappreciative and often rude and don't realize all the time and energy it takes to keep up with your 3 personalities.
For those reasons, you are fired.
Don't call. Don't email.
Adieu
The only problem with this genius letter is that people have feelings. Silly speed bump. Plus, in my business writing class we were taught to subtly add in the negative message sandwiched between nice or neutral messages. Seems dodgy, but
I may consider revising.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Hey you... at the gym... I'm judging you.
Even if I didn't like working out I might keep my membership for the judgery.
Last night whilst on the treadmill I organized awkward gym goers into classifications. I spared those who just genuinely go to quietly work out & better their health without somehow invading the space of others either visually or otherwise.
Knock it off if you're one of the following:
Chatty Cathy
Your name might not be Cathy and you may not even be a female, but you do need to get.off.the.phone! At the very minimum get off the phone while you are on the treadmill or any other cardio machine. Either resume walking at level 1.5 or continue walking and talking until you find a bridge.
Groany McMoanerson
I don't care if you're muscle man or if your arms are just weak, it's annoying either way. If you are unable to life something without belting out a moan like you're giving birth to a watermelon the you should either a) lift weights at home or b) duct tape both your nose and mouth shut. It's the polite thing to do.
The Creeper
You. are. twice. her. age. Stop staring. Did you know iPod was invented so that women could better avoid Creepers? Now you do. Girls don't squat for your benefit unless they're in a dirty mag. So, go home and get one of those and leave the public alone.
The Make-up Melter (or just Caker)
1) If you wear a lot of make-up to the gym and work out really hard it's going to melt down your face. I saw that tonight and it was disgusting.
2) If you cake on your make-up and then don't actually work out, but instead just walk around the gym looking confused then you're a tard.
The Youngins
Dear Teenagers-
I realize that you don't have many places to go and among them, the gym is one of the best options, but realize if you spend too much time in the gym (taking up the good machines during peak hours) you'll stunt your growth and have an awkward time in college. I'm just sayin'.
Pushy Face
Don't ask me if I'm almost done with this machine cause I'm not. I'll be done 1,000 hours from now simply because you won't get out of my space. Also, we can not trade sets. It's not like I'm taking a bubble bath in between. Relax.
The Non-Trainer Trainer
Stop disgracing the good trainers. Stop texting while you have a client, it's rude. I find it ludicrous how you act like you're better than the person you are training. You are supposed to be motivating and you deserve a punch in the face.
Last night whilst on the treadmill I organized awkward gym goers into classifications. I spared those who just genuinely go to quietly work out & better their health without somehow invading the space of others either visually or otherwise.
Knock it off if you're one of the following:
Chatty Cathy
Your name might not be Cathy and you may not even be a female, but you do need to get.off.the.phone! At the very minimum get off the phone while you are on the treadmill or any other cardio machine. Either resume walking at level 1.5 or continue walking and talking until you find a bridge.
Groany McMoanerson
I don't care if you're muscle man or if your arms are just weak, it's annoying either way. If you are unable to life something without belting out a moan like you're giving birth to a watermelon the you should either a) lift weights at home or b) duct tape both your nose and mouth shut. It's the polite thing to do.
The Creeper
You. are. twice. her. age. Stop staring. Did you know iPod was invented so that women could better avoid Creepers? Now you do. Girls don't squat for your benefit unless they're in a dirty mag. So, go home and get one of those and leave the public alone.
The Make-up Melter (or just Caker)
1) If you wear a lot of make-up to the gym and work out really hard it's going to melt down your face. I saw that tonight and it was disgusting.
2) If you cake on your make-up and then don't actually work out, but instead just walk around the gym looking confused then you're a tard.
The Youngins
Dear Teenagers-
I realize that you don't have many places to go and among them, the gym is one of the best options, but realize if you spend too much time in the gym (taking up the good machines during peak hours) you'll stunt your growth and have an awkward time in college. I'm just sayin'.
Pushy Face
Don't ask me if I'm almost done with this machine cause I'm not. I'll be done 1,000 hours from now simply because you won't get out of my space. Also, we can not trade sets. It's not like I'm taking a bubble bath in between. Relax.
The Non-Trainer Trainer
Stop disgracing the good trainers. Stop texting while you have a client, it's rude. I find it ludicrous how you act like you're better than the person you are training. You are supposed to be motivating and you deserve a punch in the face.
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