Hey you... at the gym... I'm judging you.

Even if I didn't like working out I might keep my membership for the judgery.

Last night whilst on the treadmill I organized awkward gym goers into classifications. I spared those who just genuinely go to quietly work out & better their health without somehow invading the space of others either visually or otherwise.

Knock it off if you're one of the following:

Chatty Cathy
Your name might not be Cathy and you may not even be a female, but you do need to get.off.the.phone! At the very minimum get off the phone while you are on the treadmill or any other cardio machine. Either resume walking at level 1.5 or continue walking and talking until you find a bridge.

Groany McMoanerson
I don't care if you're muscle man or if your arms are just weak, it's annoying either way. If you are unable to life something without belting out a moan like you're giving birth to a watermelon the you should either a) lift weights at home or b) duct tape both your nose and mouth shut. It's the polite thing to do.

The Creeper
You. are. twice. her. age. Stop staring. Did you know iPod was invented so that women could better avoid Creepers? Now you do. Girls don't squat for your benefit unless they're in a dirty mag. So, go home and get one of those and leave the public alone.

The Make-up Melter (or just Caker)
1) If you wear a lot of make-up to the gym and work out really hard it's going to melt down your face. I saw that tonight and it was disgusting.
2) If you cake on your make-up and then don't actually work out, but instead just walk around the gym looking confused then you're a tard.

The Youngins
Dear Teenagers-
I realize that you don't have many places to go and among them, the gym is one of the best options, but realize if you spend too much time in the gym (taking up the good machines during peak hours) you'll stunt your growth and have an awkward time in college. I'm just sayin'.

Pushy Face
Don't ask me if I'm almost done with this machine cause I'm not. I'll be done 1,000 hours from now simply because you won't get out of my space. Also, we can not trade sets. It's not like I'm taking a bubble bath in between. Relax.

The Non-Trainer Trainer
Stop disgracing the good trainers. Stop texting while you have a client, it's rude. I find it ludicrous how you act like you're better than the person you are training. You are supposed to be motivating and you deserve a punch in the face.