I have read a lot of business philosophy about firing clients...see references below:
Top 10 Ways to Fire a Client from Hell
How to Fire a Client
And those are just a few from thousands of articles documenting that if it gets to the point when working with someone is no longer creating a mutually beneficial situation it should be terminated.
I just want to say, I agree. I would, however, like to do it with the following notice of termination:
Dear Huge Pain in My Ass,
While I initially thought we could create a fantastic business relationship, I have realized this is not the case based on the following occurrences:
- You email me several times a day often contradicting your previous emails.
- You call me to chat about your non sensory emails and to further clarify your very simple emails.
- When you call you end up telling me personal stories about which you assume I care. I do care, but only theoretically.
- You often schedule meetings so we can chat about progress...progress that you've been suppressing.
- You avoid contact with me like I'm infected with the plaque when I need something from you, then call frantic about the timeline being kept when you finally have what I need.
- You are unappreciative and often rude and don't realize all the time and energy it takes to keep up with your 3 personalities.
For those reasons, you are fired.
Don't call. Don't email.
Adieu
The only problem with this genius letter is that people have feelings. Silly speed bump. Plus, in my business writing class we were taught to subtly add in the negative message sandwiched between nice or neutral messages. Seems dodgy, but
I may consider revising.
Friday, August 28, 2009
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6 comments:
haha, I do not know where to start. I do fully appreciate the "seems dodgy" part! And I think we have every client on the 10 ways to fire a client, all at the same time!
These grumblings may indeed be the origin of the billable hour. Bad clients become considerably more tolerable at 300 per hour.
you know Mike, I think you're on to something. Any open positions that I could get $300/hour to deal with these people?
Probably the biggest concern with firing clients is the word of mouth. Bad clients are mouth breathers, and will use their bad mouth and breath to spread shame and dishonor through other potential clients. This keeps smaller businesses stuck with bad clients for fear of bad press. The goal, then is to fire them gracefully, quietly, and then set them on fire.
Danimal-
You are hilar.
Liger
I took that Eller class and thoroughly mocked it because there was no "Sometimes we need to write a bad ass firing letter just to mix it up" chapter.
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