If your car alarm goes off ONE more time...

...I'm setting your car on fire.

Not in a violent way, but seriously, I am going to. There is a car in my neighborhood, parked outside my bedroom window, that will be ablaze by the end of the weekend. I understand that sometimes the car alarm goes off when it shouldn't. It's annoying, but dealable. This weekend. Has gone. Too far.

Yesterday:
7a.m. awakened by said car alarm
8:12 a.m. irritated again by said alarm
9:43 a.m. alarm. again. sketched a car on fire to reduce stress from car alarm.
2:45 p.m. getting ready to go to a wedding. Car alarm.

Today:
8:15 a.m. awakened again by car alarm
9:30 a.m. car alarm sounds. I say aloud in bed "are you f***ing kidding me?"
1:12 p.m. Car alarm. Blogging about car alarm.

As you can see:
1) this car alarm is not effective. There is no way someone has attempted a break in of the car next door 7 times this weekend alone.
2) the car alarm owner is running out of time before their car is set on fire. I don't know if this is a sick joke, but I hope you, neighbor, have fire insurance.

In closing, car alarms are stupid.

Gramatically Incorrect!!!

When people horribly misspell words or use improper English I don't know whether to be painfully irritated or woefully distressed by the lack of education. On one hand it's sad, really sad, but on the other... I mean come on. I never knew how important grammar was until I observed grown-ups slaughtering it. There are mistakes and then there is the sentence below:

WE NEED THIS ON ARE WEBSITE FRONT PAGE CALL JOE FOR ME 255-5653 IT ARE NEW WEB-SITE BASE SOFEWARE FOR ARE BUSNESS.

I know some of you are thinking, " that sentence is ridiculous, there is no way that was written by a real live person." If you and I were face-to-face I would stare at you blankly and say, "yes, yes it was." Sad, but true. This sentence was copied from an email I received at work. I changed the names and number, but the rest was left untouched.

As I'm reading through the above grammatically challenged email I have the following observations:
1) there are no attempts at punctuation other than the period at the end
2) ARE does not equal OUR
3) IT does not equal ITS
4) again, ARE does not equal OUR
5) I think he meant to say web-based and not WEB-SITE BASE
6) SOFEWARE is not the same thing as SOFTWARE and is actually not even a real word
7) ARE still does not equal OUR
8) BUSNESS sounds like... whatever... it's business, not busness
9) ALL CAPS indicates yelling in the world of e-communication. So simmer down.
10) this guy owns a business?

I am concernicus! We all make mistakes, but mistakes these were not.

What does your city's airport say about you?

Thought I'd compile some general impressions about places based solely on their airports. I narrowed it to a few that stood out in my mind, but I encourage you to expand the list. Leave a comment, add on to an airport listed below, or differ from my opinions.


Tucson Airport
We're simple yet efficient and we think international travel means going to Mexico.









Dallas Airport (Things seriously are bigger in Texas)
"Go big or ... don't land in our f***ing airport."





Las Vegas Airport (vivaaaaaaaaaa las vegas)

The fun starts here and it ends here. Also, we have a gambling addiction






Atlanta Airport
We may seem ghetto, but we're really fabulous.
(C'mon, you saw The Real Housewives of Atlanta)







San Jose, Costa Rica Airport
Realmente tenemos gusto de los taxis. Seriously.










JFK- New York Airport
Sink or swim we don't care, we've got much more important things to worry about.


I know you've got at least one airport experience that makes you want to add to this list... don't be shy...

Twi-nanigans

Sometimes things are just twi-nanigans! You may be asking yourself, 'what the heck does that even mean?' You are right in doing so, but you are naive in that you are not hip to the new fad of adding twi to the beginning of everything. It is all the rage. Twitter does it and so can I.

Everytime I log into Twitter... yes, I'm on Twitter,judge me... I am informed of a new word. Today's, for example, was Twi·stor·i - n. an ongoing and hypnotic social experiment.. Interesting, but still, not a word. Twi-nanigans I say.

In fact, even though I've been sucked down the Twitter drain I still find the entire concept odd. I think this video pretty much sums it up and I think you will find it hilarious. So click on this link : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PN2HAroA12w

"It seems like Twittering is just randomly bragging about your unexceptional life." BUT you also get definitions of fake words and can follow people without being a complete creep. Why didn't someone think of this sooner?

Sources sited: http://twitter.com/LigerBurns

The gymatorium Part Deux

I think, when constructing my gym, they grossly overestimated the midget population.

Serious question: Why are the drinking fountains at L.A. Fitness so short?
Don't say, "because people use them to fill their water bottles and their arms are too tired from lifting weights to slightly reach upward". That is not good enough.

It is sad and it is discriminatory, but the most logical conclusion is that they grossly overestimated the athletic, gym-going, midget population. I apologize on behalf of L.A. Fitness.