The girls go. Girls go to DANCE. You get ready with your friends, "Let's go dance tonight! Let's just - screw guys tonight - Let's just stand in a circle around our shoes and our pocketbooks and lets just dance. And if guys come near us we'll tazer them. No guys." -Dane Cook
So last night I went with 8 of my girls to Cactus Moon for their ladies night shenanigans. First of all, I'd like to dissect this title "Ladies Night". Nothing about these nights are actually for the ladies:1) My friends and I waited in line for like 20 minutes at only 9:30pm. In my opinion we should be able to just strut right in. It is, after all, our night.
2) As soon as you walk in the door you have the option of pinning a number to your back. This number is used by guys to identify which dancer gives them the most sustainable hard on. Generally, the girls that wear these take their cattle number very seriously and seem to have no problem giving shows for free. My perception is that if you are going to dance like a stripper, a trashy one at that, then go fill out a job application and get paid.
3) The drink specials are awesome. I love a cheap drink as much as the next person, but let's be honest about the intention. The more drunk the girls are, the sluttier the dance moves and the more likely they are to go home with a guy.
It is important, if you have never been to a Wednesday night at Cactus Moon, that you understand some key points about the atmosphere. It consists of a blend of Hip Hop, Country Western, and College clientele all of nearly equal proportions. A completely separate group of people exist and are known as the Creepers. They scatter themselves around the edge of the dance floor occasionally wandering closer. The blaring music switches back and forth between "...the boots with the fur" and "I've got friends in low places". When the hip hop music is playing the dance floor is peppered with quite a spectacle of people. Many of them either seem to be having seizures or are practicing for some sort of escort service. They generally clear off when the country music starts and then it is certainly fun to watch people spinning each other around. I was fortunate enough to join Kay's School of Line Dancing. After all, she is from the woods. There were two notable people amongst the crowd that I will describe. We'll start with the good news:
~A gentleman asked if he could dance with me for the next Country song. I was a little reluctant, but I agreed. Once the next song came around we danced and it was a lot of fun. At the end of the song he introduced himself and thanked me for the dance and went his separate way. What?! You're not going to awkwardly pursue me all night even though it's obvious I'm not interested? I was pleasantly surprised.
~The next character was a little less classy. I would describe this man as a stumpy 45 year old with terrible intentions. He sat near the edge of the dance floor leering at girls half his age, interjecting obviously awkward comments as often as possible. So my first interaction with him was a simple cheers. I was walking by and having my one drink of the evening so cheers! Why not? Then I'm pretty sure, a while later, he tripped me! I didn't fall, but I'm pretty sure he intentionally stuck his foot out to stop me. UMMMMMMmm hello? Is anyone home? What person with half a brain sabotages someones walking path to get to talk to them. Then, strike three, he says in the most awkward voice "annnnnnnnnnngel" and proceeds to leer at me for the rest of the night. Don't worry I gave him the stare of death back as to not encourage his awkwardness.
All in all, awesome evening with the girls and lots of interesting observations were made.
Please note: I missed the co-founder of PJAA
8 comments:
Astute observations my friend..."Ladies Night" really is quite the place to find material for a blog. Reading this, however, makes me feel as though I missed a lot throughout the evening, which(let's just be honest) was the goal. So I'm glad to read about the details here.
Another type of individual to discuss is the guy who you dance with and immediately regret it. He's the takes-it-to-far guy and he doesn't seem to have any kind of idea about what is or is not appropriate. Example a: when dancing please keep your grubby little hands either completely to yourself or in only "safe areas" such as arms or shoulders and such unless you have gotten some kind, ANY kind of indication from me that I would be ok with your hands traveling to other areas. Seriously, I just wanted to dance. If I wanted to get groped incessantly I would go shopping in Nogales.
I'm sure there are several other kinds people to discuss and if I can think of any more I'll be back to add my ridiculous 2 cents:)
I will use one word to describe my feelings about this particular post: Glad.
As someone who has experienced the awkwardness that is a Wed. night at the 'Moon, I'd say you captured the atmosphere perfectly.
Side note: I appreciated the Shout Out. A future meeting of PJAA MUST take place on "Ladies Night."
"It’s Guys Night…"
and the feeling's right. Oh yes it's guys night, OH WHAT A NIGHT!
You get ready on your own in one minute, "Let's go drinking tonight! Let's just - screw girls tonight - Let's just stand around the edge of the dance floor and watch girls dance, and hope to be tazered."
one night I went with 8 of my guys to a club for their “Easi-singles” night shenanigans. First of all, I'd like to dissect this title “Easi singles”. Nothing about these nights are easy.
1) My friends and I waited in line for like 20 seconds. In my opinion we should be able to wait for at least an hour, as this is our best chance of convincing a girl we’re normal before we get any alcohol in us and become completely useless and deaf.
2) As soon as you walk in the door you have the option of pinning a number to your back. This number is used by girls to identify which drunk is the least likely to vomit. Generally, guys that wear these, are shy
3) The drink specials are crap. I hate expensive drink as much as the next, but let's be honest about the intention – PROFIT! The owners advertise easi-singles night knowing guys will turn up and need to drink to have confidence, the more drunk guys get, the more confidence they get to talk to a girl. It is important, if you have never been to a wednesday ‘Easi-singles’ night, that you understand some key points about the atmosphere. It consists of a blend of guys just wanting to makeout. And a completely separate group of people exist also and they are known as girls. They group themselves into circles on the dance floor occasionally elbowing each other out of the way. When music is playing the dance floor ranges from being full to being empty in a matter of seconds. All the girls decide to go to the toilets together leaving the dance floor empty for guys to take a short cut to their toilets, only to discover that some girls “who just cant wait” have taken that over too whilst complaining about its smell.
There were two notable people amongst the crowd that I will describe. We'll start with the bad news:
~A girl asked if I could dance with her for the next song. I told her not a chance, guys don’t dance, but after a shot I later agreed only if the dance floor was full and none of my mates could see me. Once the next song came around we danced and I looked like an idiot. At the end of the song she introduced herself and thanked me for the dance and went her separate way. What?! You're not going to bring me home even though it's obvious I danced with you. I was disgusted
~The next character was a little lessy classy. I would describe her as a stumpy 45 year old with the right intentions. She danced near the edge of the dance floor leering at drunk guys half her age, shaking her bootie as often as possible. Everyone wanted to be with her. So my first interaction with her was her flashing me. I was walking by innocently and tripped over with the shock. I didn't fall, I'm pretty sure it was intentional. UMMMMMMmm hello? Is anyone home? What person with half a brain sabotages someones walking path to get them to sleep with her. Then, strike three, she says in the most awkward voice "take me home" and proceeds to throw herself at me.
BE WARNED, guys cant say no, we’re now expecting our 1st child!
Nicely done.
Ladies night.HA. Awesome.
Whoa! You absolutely nailed the atmosphere at the Catus Moon on ladies night. I think I just had a flashback. Really not much has changed since I left Tucson. Good times. :)
Yes but those girls KNOW what they are getting into when they go into those places! BUT respect for them and for those that have the above wherewithal to avoid such places in the 1st place
HAHAHA this is soooo funny I love it!!! But I must add to the list:
The Rude bartender who serves the men first on ladies night...WHAT? Not just any men, the creepers, I don't get it! So after waiting for TWENTY minutes for one of the fabulous cheap drinks, i took my little booty to a new bar with a lady bartender and was served quickly! I guess since I had no cattle tag and my boobs were not exploding from my shirt the male bartender felt no need to take my measly fifty cents!! Such is life but the moon does provide some good stories and good fun!!
I loved this night. I often refer back to it as "that one night at cactus moon when I was totally wasted. . ." and than proceed with my memories of that night. Good times.
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